The One About a Dynamic Duo from Hell

Narcissists and Liars: The Dynamic Duo You Never Asked For

Let’s be real—nobody wakes up in the morning thinking, “You know what my life could use? More narcissists and liars!” These two characters are like the villains of a bad reality show that you can’t quite escape. But hey, why cry about it when we can laugh instead? After all, sometimes humor is the best way to survive the circus that is dealing with these human tornadoes. Let's get into it.

The Liar: The Creative Fiction Writer of Real Life

Let me be clear, there are many different types of liars. My experience is with the habitual, pathological, chronic type, but all liars disgust me. They’re basically authors of fiction novels that nobody asked for, except they’re not getting paid for it. Why tell the truth when you can create a version of reality that’s far more interesting? Sure, their stories have more plot holes than a B-movie, but hey, who’s counting?

Liars are everywhere. Some lie to save face or avoid conflict, others to gain an advantage or manipulate you. But at the core, lying isn’t just about bending the truth; it’s about bending reality to fit their needs. And that’s what makes liars dangerous: they’ll rewrite the world to suit themselves, without caring about the fallout or collateral damage. Liars don't lie because they value you. They lie because they value control and they know telling you the truth might provoke you to make decisions that aren't in their best interest.

Think about the impact of a lie for a moment. Lies erode trust, and trust is the foundation of any relationship—whether it’s with friends, family, or coworkers. Once a liar crosses that line, you never look at them the same way again. You’re always questioning, doubting, and wondering what’s real and what’s fake. But liars don’t care about that. They care about preserving their ego, protecting themselves, or manipulating you to get ahead. They thrive in the chaos they create because, as long as they keep you second-guessing, they maintain control. And once a liar gets comfortable lying to you, you might as well pack your bags, boo boo, because it's game over. What they don’t realize—or maybe they do, and just don’t care—is that every lie chips away at your perception of them, until there’s nothing left but distrust and resentment.

Classic things they say and what they actually mean:

I'm just not ready for that level of commitment right now.
- Translation: I'm totally ready to string you along because I need a supply to maintain my image.
I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.
- Translation: I used this line on my last victim and it worked. I also don't have feelings or empathy, but I know this is what I'm supposed to say.
My ex was crazy.
- Translation: I made my ex crazy, and if you're ignorant enough to stick around, I'll do the same thing to you.
I’m working on myself and my personal growth.
- Translation: I googled 'self-improvement’ once, ordered a book on Amazon, and then took a nap. I also returned the book.
I don’t play games.
- Translation: Playing games is my M.O.
I’m super honest. I hate lying.
- Translation: I’m lying right now.
I’ve been swamped.
- Translation: I’m being sketchy but I don't want you to know why, so I'm pretending to be busy at work in hopes that you don't question me.
I’ve never met anyone like you before.
- Translation: You're not special. You’re just the latest person my manipulation and lies have worked on. I will slowly suck the life out of you if you let me.
I wasn't perfect, but...
- Translation: The rumors are true.
Do you really think I would do that?
- Translation: I 100% did what I'm being accused of.
It was a misunderstanding.
- Translation: I’m hiding some major red flags and I hope you don’t ask too many questions.
Have a little faith in me.
- Translation: I am incapable and unwilling to change but you should accept these breadcrumbs as proof that I'm trying to be better.
You're wrong about me. Let me prove it to you.
- Translation: You're right about me. The only proof you will receive is empty promises and excuses until one day you see me for who I've shown you I am—not who I've said I am (feels like a little Dr. Seuss moment).

Liars are masters of deception and manipulation and they are especially great when they get caught red-handed. They’ll look you dead in the eye, hand in the cookie jar (or purse, in my case), surrounded by all the evidence of their lie, and still say something like, “This isn’t what it looks like.” Really? Because it looks exactly like what it is. You know the saying, “If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck." It’s almost impressive how committed they are to their alternate reality. It’s like watching a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat, except the rabbit is your trust, and it’s been missing for months.

The Narcissist: The King & Queens of Self-Absorption—An Ego With Legs

You know the type. They walk into a room like they own it, even if it’s your house. Narcissists have a way of making everything about themselves. Oh, your fish died? That reminds them of how their dog almost died, but they heroically saved it. Don’t bother mentioning your achievements either, because whatever you did, they’ve done it too, oftentimes better (in their mind, at least) and they will have a story to go along with it. There are a few different types of Narcissists, but that's a topic for another blog post.

Now, if liars are bad, narcissists are a whole new breed of awful. Narcissists aren’t just liars; they’re manipulators, gaslighters, and emotional vampires. Their entire worldview revolves around one thing: themselves.

Key Traits of Narcissists:

Their favorite person? Themselves.
Their favorite topic? Themselves.
Their favorite compliment? "You're an amazing person!" (which they'll say out loud when no one else is around).

I think the funniest thing about narcissists is their sheer confidence. They’ll tell you, with a straight face, that they could’ve been an astronaut if they felt like it or that they single-handedly saved their company’s stock price with a well-timed email. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just over here trying to remember if we sent that email to the right person at all. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but my point is that they don’t just bend the truth; they bend entire realities to fit their narrative and feed their never-ending need for attention, admiration, and control. They have no place in your life if you value your sanity, peace, and well-being.

Narcissists are pros at playing the victim, and they’ll twist every situation to make it seem like you or someone else is the problem. They will never accept sole responsibility for their behavior. They’re also world-class gaslighters, making you doubt your own reality and question your sanity, similar to those really bad magicians who don’t quite pull off their tricks, but you end up doubting reality anyway. They’ll lie to your face, deny the undeniable, and still make you feel like you’re the one who's wrong. It’s psychological warfare, and it's ruthless.

Their special skill? Convincing you that you are the problem. They’re the Jedi masters of making you question everything, from what you said five minutes ago to your entire life choices. You tell them they hurt your feelings, and suddenly they’re the victim—"Oh my gosh, it was a joke. I didn't mean it like that. Why are you being so sensitive?" or “I can’t believe you’d accuse me of that after everything I’ve done for you!”

Speaking from experience with the Narcissist in my life, the damage they cause isn’t always obvious at first. It creeps in, like a slow-acting poison that eats away at your trust, confidence, and self-respect. The worst part? Many of them know exactly what they’re doing—and they don’t care, so let's stop sugarcoating it: narcissists do not care about you. Period!

They only care about what you can do for them. Are you making them feel good? Are you feeding their ego? Are you inflating their sense of importance? Great, they’ll keep you around. But the moment you stop serving their needs, you’re discarded like trash and if you're lucky, they drop you like a bad habit. If you're not so lucky, you have the unpleasant invitation to the pits of hell, also known as the reverse discard. More on that later.

Narcissists and Liars Together: A Match Made in Hell

Now, imagine a narcissist who’s also a liar. Consider these wonderful humans as The Picasso of Bullshit, if you will. These people have turned deception into an art form, and they paint their world in broad, exaggerated strokes of “me, me, me.” They will tell you about their legendary accomplishments—most of which never actually happened, or if they did happen, I can almost guarantee the version you're being told is a massive exaggeration. They’re so confident you almost start to believe them because you have no way to verify without looking like an untrusting jerk. My advice; Be a jerk. Dispute it. Question it. It will serve you well in the end, I promise.

Here’s the conundrum of a kicker: they believe their lies. Narcissists and liars share this magical ability to look in the mirror and see a hero, even if the rest of us see a toddler stuck in an adult's body. They’ve perfected the art of telling stories where they’re the good guys, despite the trail of destruction they've left behind that would make a hurricane blush.

The Survival Guide: Laugh So You Don't Cry

So how do you deal with these walking catastrophes in human form? Well, step one: don’t take them seriously. Remember, they’re playing a role in their own soap opera, and you’re just an extra in their grand production. Trying to reason with a narcissist or a chronic liar is like trying to teach a cat to do your taxes—it’s not going to happen, and you’ll only frustrate yourself.

Here are some tips for surviving these people —

Set Boundaries: Narcissists hate boundaries because they don't know how to function if they feel they're losing control. Draw a clear line around your time and energy. When they try to cross it, just remind them that they’re not actually the star of The Truman Show.
Call Out the Lies (or Don't!): It's a bold strategy, Cotton. When it comes to liars, you can try calling them out, but be prepared for an Olympic-level mental dodgeball game. They’ll dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge the truth so fast, you’ll start wondering if you're being pranked. Sometimes, it’s just easier to smile, nod, and make a mental note for later.
Keep Your Sense of Humor: Honestly, the best way to survive these clowns is to laugh because how can any sane person behave this way? Whether it’s the narcissist’s latest self-aggrandizing story, harassing claims you're ruining their life for calling them out on their crappy behavior, or the liar’s newest excuse, it’s all pretty ridiculous when you take a step back. Grab some popcorn and enjoy the show because they’re going to keep performing whether you want them to or not. Alexa, play The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived by Taylor Swift.
Keep Receipts: Just do it, especially if you are questioning your sanity, memory, and reality. These receipts could very well be the one thing that convinces you you're not crazy, you're not the problem and your intuition was right.

Final Thoughts: Full Send Out of Your Life

Narcissists and liars are the dynamic duo of destruction. If they are over the age of 25, their frontal lobe is developed. They aren't changing and they will never change. They are who they are, and it’s not your job to fix them. If it was possible to ship them all to Mars on a one-way trip, I’m sure life here on Earth would be a little more peaceful. I know mine would be, but until Elon Musk makes that happen, the best thing you can do is keep them at arm’s length and fight like hell to protect your sanity.

And hey, when all else fails, remember this: they might lie to the world, but deep down, they know the truth. Every time they tell their inflated stories or bend the truth beyond recognition, somewhere, buried deep under their ego and denial, they know they’re full of it. So, take comfort in that—keep your receipts and sense of humor handy. You’ll need it!

Narcs be narcing. Liars be lying.

Stay safe out there!